Here's how it's done folks

The fact that we even had to put up with voting between 5 movies was a stretch but for the Academy to add another 5 to make it 10 film choices is just a disgrace. The Blind Side!?? Really!? I still feel that Avatar is going to win just because of James Cameron. Let me ask you this…what if you took the same movie, same script, same technology, however, the movie was directed by Michael Bay, would the movie be a lock to win Best Picture? Having your opening credits and movie posters say James Cameron is almost a sure thing as nudity is for the Species movies. In fact, had there have been 10 movies selected back then, maybe Species would have been nominated. Ultimately, I think The Hurt Locker should win but we all know a stupid movie about Blue people will.

I recently moved back to Illinois, and just can’t stand the roads. Everywhere I go, there is construction… if you can even call it that. Apparently, Illinois only repairs roads in random three-foot sections at a time. I know it’s not cheap, but why not just replace the whole damn lane? Year-after-year they’ll be out there, tearing up random three-foot sections of pavement. And year-after-year, the roads will continue to deteriorate, until the first three-foot sections are ready to replace.

It’s a viscous cycle. And my road-rage is nearing an all-time high…

It’s true that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, but lets try to be realistic about our “treasures”. Some pointers:

• A scrap of carpet you used to catch oil in your garage for the last 5 years is not considered a “new carpet remnant”, no matter how large or “unique” it is.
• Nobody wants to buy a 15 gallon fish tank that has a “few small leaks” for $55.
• Just because you paid $800 for your treadmill 13 years ago doesn’t mean that it is worth $600 today… especially when it needs a new belt and motor.
• Your ping-pong table is not in “like new condition” when “all it needs” is a replacement table-top.

Try to keep it classy, Craigslist. Please.

I stopped to get gas at an interstate truckstop the other day and decided that while I’m filling-up, I may as well empty-out. So I do my business, go to wipe, and am greeted with the dreaded giant roll of one-ply toilet paper. I HATE ONE-PLY! I don’t understand the point — you have to double (or quadruple) layer it, just to avoid poking through mid-wipe, so why not just get two-ply to start with?!!!! Seriously!

Now we all know that public restrooms aren’t the nicest of places, but just once, I’d like to see such an establishment splurge the extra $.50 a roll to get some decent TP. It’d make public deucing a much more enjoyable activity for all of us.

Posted by Jason Cherry

Busy times call for busy people with too much shit to do! We hope to be back chapping like it’s our job, (really we wish it was!) However, a friend of mine sent one which I completely believe in. Sorry for such a delay and more chaps will come soon.

Matt

Please people when I die…if you really loved me at all…Do not…I repeat DO NOT honor my memory by way of a bumber sticker type sticky on the rear windshield of your car.  Why do this?  I see multiple of these “In memory of so and so 1928-2000″  during my daily commute.  Do you want me to feel sorry for you that you know someone who died?  Normal I consider myself to be a pretty empathetic soul.  However your complete lack of appropriate grieving and attention seeking behavior is what really causes me concern…and quite honestly chaps my ass!

These jackasses are in the top 5 of my obnoxious people list. There’s nothing I hate more than to be told the same thing over and over again. If I am supposed to do something and I say I understand it, then I understand it. I don’t need you to underestimate my intelligence and repeat it again and again within a 30 second period. It gets old. And you know when it gets really old? When every sentence you say is repeated at least 3 times. Not only are you wasting my time, but you are wasting my patience. If you are so paranoid that it will not get done right, then please, go do it yourself.

Do you know how much energy it takes to conjure up that much patience? Yeah, a lot. My brain feels like it just went through a blender after talking to you.

I want to thank you for checking out ThatReallyChapsMyAss.com. If you found this site, you either know me or happen to be upset about something and want to tell someone about it. For now, this website is limited to a select few authors. But please feel free to send us your chaps. I plan to upgrade the website as we go along. For now, it’s going to be relatively small to get the ball rolling.

Once again, thanks for checking it out and I look forward to hearing your chaps.

Thanks,
Matt