For the love of God, GO AWAY!!!!!!

Do we really have to do this all over again next season too???

I have found and sold some great deals on Craigslist. I have dealt with friendly Craigslist users and ‘users that can only be described as “assbags”…

I saw a washing machine on craigslist the other day. It was a pretty good deal, and I needed a washing machine, so I called the lady to get more details. She was on the road, but said she’d gladly call me back in 20 minutes, when she got home.

Nearly 6 hours later, she still hadn’t returned my call, so I called her back, “Hi, I called earlier about the..” (she cuts me off) “I SAID I’D CALL YOU BACK WHEN I GOT HOME! I AM STILL AT WORK AND I WON’T BE HOME UNTIL LATER TONIGHT!!!” (hangs up phone). Apparently, she didn’t remember telling me that she’d call me back in 20 minutes. Furthermore, apparently she didn’t really want to sell her washing machine. (she never did call me back)

My point is this: if you’re too busy to reply to buyers about the ad that YOU POSTED, maybe you shouldn’t have posted it in the first place. I couldn’t care less if you sell your washing machine or not, and it’s certainly not my fault that you can’t tell time. If you post an ad, it is your responsibility to follow up on it.

Adam Lambert… So at some points he has an amazing voice and then suddenly breaks out into this wild whiny scream! Who the hell in this country is voting for him on American Idol and WHY? Danny gets booted so this emo-rocker theater homo get to stay on?? Sure his make up is always perfect, and his hair is fabulous, I just think his singing for the most part blows. I sit here week after week waiting for his ass to get booted, and to no avail.

It doesn’t help when Paula seems to be semi-normal as of the past few weeks. Her antics were at least able to take some of Adam’s whiney pain away.

So Facebook does the dreading deed of changing their homepage layout. I for one actually enjoy the new layouts, but what I hate the most are the comments about it from all of my friends when I log in. “I hate the new layout.” “This new layout is terrible!” Yadda yadda yadda. By next week, nobody is going to care and the time you spend joining those “Go Back to the Old Layout” groups, will be wasted.

Instead of getting upset over it for 5 minutes, just encourage it and figure it out. I’m pretty sure Facebook doesn’t care.

Quit trying to relive your glory days. You graduated 15 years ago and haven’t touched a football since. You aren’t “buff” in fact, you are overweight. The ladies on the treadmills aren’t impressed by your narcissistic flexing routine in front of the mirrors and, sorry to burst your bubble, but yelling “HHUUUHHHHH” at the top of your lungs with each rep doesn’t make you a badass.

Hang up your weight belt and stop cutting the sleeves off your t-shirts. Stop with the faux-hawk. Stop wearing sunglasses to the gym at night. Don’t get any more barbed-wire arm tattoos and, I beg you, stop chapping all of our asses.

Big thanks to Jason Cherry for the Chap!

These signs are up for a reason.

I’m beginning to think that there is no need for driving school anymore because the people running those places are handing out licenses to any old idiot. Here’s a scenario for you: when you are sitting in the left turn lane, there are certain expectations one has. One being that everyone in that lane is turning left, and to be more specific, a left turn at 90 degrees. I guess some people think a left turn at 180 degrees qualifies you to be in that turn lane despite the sign that says it doesn’t.

As I was on my way to work this morning, I had one of these idiots in front of me. Now, who am I to say when it is and isn’t appropriate to make a u-turn? I’ve made my share of u-turns, I just wasn’t dumb about it. Here’s some quick tips on what you should do when trying to make a u-turn. (more…)

  

educate yourself, woman!

I can’t stay quiet anymore. This was the straw that broke the donkey’s back. Look at that picture and tell me what’s wrong with it. You can do it, I know the readers here are some of the most intelligent humans around. Look at her scarf. Why the hell are there donkeys, the symbol of the Democratic Party, on her scarf? TELL ME WHY!!!

Look, I’m not trying to be all bias and shit (ok, maybe), but come on. How the fuck does dumbass America think she is awesome? How does America think she could be president when McCain dies in office? Seriously. “Special” President Bush makes it to the White House and everyone else feels bad and wants to give “special” politicians the opportunity? This isn’t any old “equal employment opportunity” kind of job. It’s the freakin’ President of the United States. If this McCan’t/Failin ticket win the battle for the White House, I fear for America. Not so much Saturday Night Live, but America. It wouldn’t be a Democracy, it would be an Idiocracy, and like the movie, it will be the end of human intelligence as we know it.

I’m a simple man. I like simple things. I don’t need to be wow’d by over the top visuals to make me enjoy it. I know what I like in my social activities. I don’t like to ask for much but when you are going to take me someplace to drink, please be sure that some of these items can be checked. These are my bar necessities. (more…)

Oh...that's where they are!

NO SHIT ASSHOLE!!!! It’s a timeless event that leaves everybody pissed. Whether it’s you or the people around you, everyone is affected by a lost item. It could be keys, the remote control, your wallet, or perhaps a cheeto that fell out of your hands. Of course you have the person that goes, “Why don’t you check where you left it last?” WELL NO SHIT EINSTEIN!

Now before I go on saying how stupid everyone is, this is an event that we are all guilty of. We’ve all been on both ends of the bargain but being the looker is terrible. However, you can be excuse by use of over-excessive drinking. That’s the one time where you losing your cell phone can be acceptable. Everything needs to come with a sensor…that way nothing is lost.

Why?!

Good morning cherubs. Do you know what’s coming up in the next week or so? If guessed that pool season is coming to a close, you’re spot on. Have you been to a pool this year? Have you seen the lovely specimens that go there? If you haven’t, you’re one lucky bastard and I envy you. It’s a great place to go people watch, but be advised, it’s not like airport people-watching (the good kind).

 Here’s a few of my observations to share with you.

1.) Turns out, people have no shame. Or mirrors for that matter.

2.) Bathing suits are no longer a requirement. Apparently, bras and panties qualify as swimwear. Who knew?

3.) The pool could be mistaken as a “I’m Pregnant and in a Bikini” convention if everyone in a bikini were actually pregnant with septuplets, and didn’t just look like it.

4.) It’s worth repeating: People have no shame. WHY?! I mean, good for you that you have confidence, but on the other hand, my cornias are burning with rage and are begging my brain to relay a message to my hands that require them to take a fork and stick it in them. It’s hard to fight that urge.

I’m sure there’s a lot more things I’m leaving out, but I’m getting nauseous just writing about it. Feel free to add your own horrors in the comments.