‘Nuff Said!!!

Quit trying to relive your glory days. You graduated 15 years ago and haven’t touched a football since. You aren’t “buff” in fact, you are overweight. The ladies on the treadmills aren’t impressed by your narcissistic flexing routine in front of the mirrors and, sorry to burst your bubble, but yelling “HHUUUHHHHH” at the top of your lungs with each rep doesn’t make you a badass.

Hang up your weight belt and stop cutting the sleeves off your t-shirts. Stop with the faux-hawk. Stop wearing sunglasses to the gym at night. Don’t get any more barbed-wire arm tattoos and, I beg you, stop chapping all of our asses.

Big thanks to Jason Cherry for the Chap!

Being a catholic…well kind of, we believe that giving up something precious is our way of understanding the sacrifices that Jesus went through. We’re told at a young age that by doing so, we become a good christian and it will guide us to walk hand and hand with God in our afterlife. There’s some things that I just don’t understand though…which is why I don’t really follow the whole “give something up” ideals that Catholics believe in. …Check Out The Rest »

These signs are up for a reason.

I’m beginning to think that there is no need for driving school anymore because the people running those places are handing out licenses to any old idiot. Here’s a scenario for you: when you are sitting in the left turn lane, there are certain expectations one has. One being that everyone in that lane is turning left, and to be more specific, a left turn at 90 degrees. I guess some people think a left turn at 180 degrees qualifies you to be in that turn lane despite the sign that says it doesn’t.

As I was on my way to work this morning, I had one of these idiots in front of me. Now, who am I to say when it is and isn’t appropriate to make a u-turn? I’ve made my share of u-turns, I just wasn’t dumb about it. Here’s some quick tips on what you should do when trying to make a u-turn. …Check Out The Rest »

Do we really need to use this many packets?

The size of ketchup packets!!  Is there a scenario out there that call for mere drips of ketchup?  Maybe if you were one that applied this great condiment to one french fry at a time, but come on. I’m not saying these packets should be gigantic, but if you doubled the size you could cut the wasted packaging materials used in half! …Check Out The Rest »

  

educate yourself, woman!

I can’t stay quiet anymore. This was the straw that broke the donkey’s back. Look at that picture and tell me what’s wrong with it. You can do it, I know the readers here are some of the most intelligent humans around. Look at her scarf. Why the hell are there donkeys, the symbol of the Democratic Party, on her scarf? TELL ME WHY!!!

Look, I’m not trying to be all bias and shit (ok, maybe), but come on. How the fuck does dumbass America think she is awesome? How does America think she could be president when McCain dies in office? Seriously. “Special” President Bush makes it to the White House and everyone else feels bad and wants to give “special” politicians the opportunity? This isn’t any old “equal employment opportunity” kind of job. It’s the freakin’ President of the United States. If this McCan’t/Failin ticket win the battle for the White House, I fear for America. Not so much Saturday Night Live, but America. It wouldn’t be a Democracy, it would be an Idiocracy, and like the movie, it will be the end of human intelligence as we know it.

I’m a simple man. I like simple things. I don’t need to be wow’d by over the top visuals to make me enjoy it. I know what I like in my social activities. I don’t like to ask for much but when you are going to take me someplace to drink, please be sure that some of these items can be checked. These are my bar necessities. …Check Out The Rest »

Like most Cub fans, I really thought this was the year. It’s been exactly 100 years since we last won a World Series. We had the best record in the NL all year. We have 6 guys with over 20 home runs. Our pitching has been fantastic and our home record has been unstoppable. ALL YEAR!! I couldn’t wait to go to the postseason. In fact, I’ve been talking about it since the end of July! Well as you can probably foresee happening, the Flubs would choke. Somehow. Someway. Even though Yogi says “It’s not over til it’s over.” It sure as hell feels that way. It doesn’t hurt feeling like we’re cursed. It doesn’t hurt knowing we’re the loveable losers. It hurts more that Cub fans devoted so much love and passion for this team. For the first time within those 100 years, we all felt like we know “It’s Gonna Happen.”

Apparently the baseball powers that be have their own destiny for us…and that’s to shine the light on others that we play against. So raise up your Old Styles, here’s to another 100 years.

I stopped to get gas at an interstate truckstop the other day and decided that while I’m filling-up, I may as well empty-out. So I do my business, go to wipe, and am greeted with the dreaded giant roll of one-ply toilet paper. I HATE ONE-PLY! I don’t understand the point — you have to double (or quadruple) layer it, just to avoid poking through mid-wipe, so why not just get two-ply to start with?!!!! Seriously!

Now we all know that public restrooms aren’t the nicest of places, but just once, I’d like to see such an establishment splurge the extra $.50 a roll to get some decent TP. It’d make public deucing a much more enjoyable activity for all of us.

Posted by Jason Cherry

Busy times call for busy people with too much shit to do! We hope to be back chapping like it’s our job, (really we wish it was!) However, a friend of mine sent one which I completely believe in. Sorry for such a delay and more chaps will come soon.

Matt